that night, i felt guilty. i felt guitly for writing in my blog about how i felt about the My-Misssy thing. i realized i shouldn't have written those stuff. i shouldn't have told the world wide web about it, and not tell her. i realized i was wrong. and i admitted that to her.

but the following day, i changed my mind. not telling her about how i felt might have been my mistake...but that's all that i did wrong against her. writing about it in my blog is something i am free to do. fuck...it's my journal. and though it could easily be looked up in search engines and anyone can access it, i am aware of people who actually take time to check on my posts...and these are the people i am willing to share my deepest thoughts with.

i know My. she is a nice person...but since we're talking about Misssy here, it is a different thing. i should know. something like this situation happened between her and Monica few months back.

i know My. she is a nice person...and i am thinking reading every word in my blog would not make her that mad-mad. probably just mad. but when an outside force does something to her, it's a different story.

i don't like to think this way...but i can't help it.

she was mad that night. really mad. and i know i sounded like a begging child with all the text messages i sent her. and now when i think about it, i realize i was overpowered by her anger. i feel stupid for actually doing that. i re-read the following day that message she sent me....and i was hurt all the more.

three weeks ago, she sent me similar messages.
she loves doing that to me...that you-are-a-bad-best-friend-and-i-am-rubbing-it-in-your-face! and it hurts me. hurts me badly. and as i re-read that message she sent me the other night, i asked myself why i'm putting up with all this shit.

and my answer was because she's my friend. she's even my best friend! and i know i am willing to put up with more shit if needed so. yes, i am actually ready to save the friendship.

but maybe not now. maybe i need more time. for one, she is still extremely mad. two, i don't think i am ready. i am too hurt. i've always been hurt...and i got even more hurt with her harsh words. i don't know when i'll heal...i don't know when i'll be ready to face her. i just hope she realizes that she's not the only one hurt here. i was hurt before she was hurt.